


One shots of my thoughts

by Septic_Onna_Iplier



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, Other, just a few things, not an actual story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:33:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29516763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Septic_Onna_Iplier/pseuds/Septic_Onna_Iplier
Summary: I basically just come up with a few short things every now and then, and I want people to see them.





	1. Random book line

**Author's Note:**

> Check end for when I thought of this.

Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica ergo, draco maledicte, ecclesiam tuam securi tibi facias libertate servire, te rogamus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't remember what I was reading, but this was in it.


	2. When I dream

When I dream, you're with me, and we hold hands, and kiss.  
And I'm so happy, and content. And the butterflies turn into airplanes.  
But when I wake up, I see you aren't beside me.   
And the airplanes are still there, because I know you'll talk to me all day.  
And I know I'll see you soon.   
So, we talk. All day. And then, I must go. And I'm sad.  
But I remember I can always dream of you. And the cycle restarts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was sleeping, and I woke up all hungry, so while I was eating bread, I thought about my dream.


	3. When summer collapsed

I look at my watch, and I have just under ten minutes left. Better make them count. Instead of wandering around aimlessly, I let my feet guide me, and we end up at the place where we began. The rickety old swing set. The orange sunset light glows down its final goodbyes to the world, kissing the long grass with the last rays of homey warmth. The clouds linger close to the ground, as though to say “it will be cold now, enjoy her warmth as much as you can.” I will, clouds. I will. I go the last swing on the set, and my fingers reach out and caress the chain, which nips my hand with a gentle coolness. It feels nice. After just a moment of hesitation, just a moment of consideration, I step in front of the swing and gently rest myself into the blue plastic curve that was just barley wide enough for my large bottom. My arms encircle the chains and the cold metal pinches my flesh. Welcome back, it whispers. A small breeze blows, just enough to threaten to pull my hair from its clips. I raise my hands, slowly, slowly, and lock them into fists around the chains. I lean slightly backwards, kicking up my feet, and I do this again and again until I have a rhythm going. A pattern. And all at once I am flying. My boot-clad feet kick out like they’re trying to kick a hole in the sky, my head flies backwards and laughter spills from my throat. This is all I have. This is all I need. This sensation of soaring, of falling out of life, and the bright orange embers of the last, dying summer sun. And all at once, summer collapsed into fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was sitting under a tree at a park, and I was watching this girl swing. She was swinging super high, and I thought she was going to fly off. I ended up falling asleep for a while, and I had a dream about her literally flying, with wings, off into the sun.


	4. If tomorrow starts without me

If tomorrow starts without me, and I'm not there to see,  
If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me;  
I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today,  
while thinking of the many things we didn't get to say.  
I know how much you care for me, and how much I care for you,  
and each time that you think of me I know you'll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand,  
that an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand,  
and said my place was ready in heaven far above,  
and that I'd have to leave behind all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye,  
for all life, I'd always thought I didn't want to die.  
I had so much to live for and so much yet to do.  
it seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you.  
I thought of all the love we shared and all the fun we had.  
If I could relive yesterday, I thought, just for a while,  
I'd say goodbye and hug you and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized that this could never be,  
for emptiness and memories would take the place of me.  
And when I thought of worldly things that I'd miss come tomorrow.  
I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through Heaven's gates, I felt so much at home.  
When God looked down and smiled at me, from His great golden throne,  
He said, "This is eternity and all I've promised you,  
Today your life on earth is past but here it's starts anew.  
I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last.  
And since each day's the same, there's no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful, so trusting, and so true.  
Though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn't do.  
And you have been forgiven and now at last you're free.  
So won't you come and take my hand and share my life with me?"

So if tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart,  
for every time you think of me, please know I'm in your heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This actually wasn't written by me, I just found it while I was quite sad, and decided to save it.


	5. Can I just say?

I want you to know that by being with you, by letting myself love you, just by being near you, and especially by saying these words I am about to say, I am breaking literally every rule I have ever made for myself. Alright, here goes-  
Whenever I am around you, I just feel so happy and carefree and weightless, but the minute you leave I am constantly freaking out. "Oh god, she remembered how annoying I am and now she hates me! She seemed sort of annoyed, maybe she changed her mind about me!"  
you are always somewhere on my mind, whether its worrying that I did or said something too tactless and upset you, or thinking of ways to make you smile. I let myself depend on you, which i promised myself i would never do. And there are so many more thoughts and feelings i have that i cannot even begin to fathom into constellations for you...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was actually written for me, given to me i mean, by my EX-best friend Ash. She also helped me write 'When summer collapsed"


	6. With you...always

I never thought I was good enough for anyone, and so far, people have proved me right. But here you are. And I know I’m not good enough for you but i can at least try to be there for you whenever you need me to be and then some. I will always love you. And I’m pretty sure I will always be IN love with you. It’s scary. I know I won’t get hurt... But. But I am scared. Scared I’ll fuck up and you’ll hate me. Scared I’ll say the wrong thing and you’ll never want to me again. I know it’s my fault if anything bad happens and you can blame me. You should. But no matter how much you hate me, no matter how much you end up wanting me gone forever, I will ALWAYS be there for you. To comfort you and to keep you happy. I know I don’t deserve you and every morning, i remind myself of that because even though you’re too good for me. Even though you could find someone so much better, you chose me. And I will honor that. I will cherish just the mere though that I might finally be good enough for someone.

These past two years have been a train wreck and a paradise all in one. I wouldn't be who I am today, and I wouldn't have you ofc, if I had never met you. You mean the world to me and I couldn't imagine a life or a future without you by my side. With that being said, I promise that you'll always be my person. I want you to be, not only my best friend, but MY person, my love, and my wife. I promise to walk this life beside you, and I promise to never stop trying. I promise to always laugh, speak the truth, always forgive, and always make extra time for cuddles. I promise to laugh with you, cry with you, and build you up when you get torn down. I promise to choose you today, tomorrow, forever, and always, and I promise to love you with all of me. I promise to love you unconditionally, and be there for you unconditionally. I promise to praise your highs, and love you through your lows. I promise to put you first, every single day. And last but not least, I promise to come home. Not to where we may live together, but to you. Because you are my home, and there is no home I’ve ever felt more at home with, than with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written with some story I had tried to do. I gave up on it long ago, but this part was just too good.


	7. Ah memories..

The words vibrated against the snow-white paper. My eyes vibrated too, and it made my head hurt. I decided to stop reading for a while. I lay my head in between the pages, the front and back hard cover pressing against either side of my glasses. I can’t stop thinking about HIM. *flash* the way his hands fit perfectly on my sides, and the way they fit better bare-skinned. *flash* the way our lips intertwine so effortlessly, and move at incomprehensible speeds, but in a dance so slow, it’s antagonizing.   
I lightly trail my thumb over my bottom lip, then my top. I still taste him. I still smell him. I’ll sleep on the couch tonight; it smells like him more than I do. He keeps talking about “my bedroom”. At first I wasn’t sure I understood exactly, but then I did… I had mentioned I wanted to try something. So we went to my couch in my room, and I instructed him to sit down…

*memory*

“Okay, sit on the couch and whatever you do”…inhale…exhale…”don’t open your eyes. Please?” He nodded. He sat down, and I kept my eyes on his as I cut off the lights and made my way over to him. Was this as awkward for him as it was me? I got comfortable, and grasped his head on either side, reminding him yet again not to open his eyes. I brought my face closer to his a centimeter at a time. We were now roughly 3 inches apart. I placed one hand on his chest to keep from falling forward; just his face made me go weak and unstable. My breathing got heavier the more I realized what position we were in, and what could happen in the course of a few minutes. I became aware of his heart beat getting increasingly quicker after each centimeter. We were now roughly 1 inch away from ending all worlds…   
I could now feel his breath on my face. Light, and shallow, yet still heaving with desire. Quite like mine. Finally, deciding to stop procrastinating, I crashed my lips onto his and his response was almost immediate. We sat like that for quite some time. Just exploring each other’s mouth and general taste. I replaced my hand back on his head so I could keep him in a firm position. I like control a bit much. He had his hands on my waist, but as our souls figured out how to release our desire and passion, his hands moved to my ass. They felt nice there. Was that a weird thought to have right now?   
I should probably be thinking about the way his nose presses against mine, but I can still breathe. (I used to be thoroughly confused as to how people breathed while doing that) Or maybe I should be thinking about the way I can swear there are fireworks going all through my mind. Or maybe the fact that my libido has completely overrun my control over my actions. But here I am wondering how my hands would feel under and around his shoulders to pull him and I, among other things, closer together.   
Does it make me a bad person to think about the sexual aspects more than the romantic ones in this situation? Anyway, my hands stayed firmly on his face, while his slowly moved up to my hips, like they started. But this time, he pushed me down, and pushed himself up, forcing our two private areas to touch ever so slightly. He did this again a few more times in rhythm. Me, with my stomach becoming less like butterflies and more like airplanes, and him, breathing more rapidly by the second, and erecting a rather large tent.   
The moment was currently something that I wished would never end. But it would, unfortunately, when my brother, 5 years of age, came to my door and asked for my help with something. I tore myself away from him, reluctantly, to avoid questions from my younger kin, and left the room in a haste. I was able to put aside what just happened, and help the small child, unlike him, who trailed behind shortly after, and seemed quite fazed in-thought. 

*end of memory*

I still remember each and every sensation I felt today. I jolt back to the future, and out of my whirl-pool mind, to find my brother repeating an unheard question. He was saying something about art, but I didn’t feel like helping him right now, so I shoved him off to the white board and he reluctantly settled for drawing on that. I like drawing, but only if I’m coping with something. I don’t really do it on any other occasion. I also use reading to escape. To completely exit devils creation, AKA Earth. I like being able to travel to places such as India, or Alaska, or Brazil, all while sitting completely still in a comfy armchair, or on a nice couch.   
I took my happy little self to the kitchen in search of food. Steak and eggs were in the fridge, and that was my intended target. But I found mom and dad cooking dinner, so I turned on my heel and went in search of silence. I didn’t find a good, quiet place, but I found the couch and my attitude, so my brother wouldn’t be a problem. I put on some good singing music and opened my laptop to message my best friend, Grace. I told her about all the things I was thinking about, how my day had been, and how I was feeling. She responded the same, as we did most days, and said our goodbyes.  
At this point, I found myself putting the small child to bed, changing the channel, and writing this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just- no. No more.


End file.
